a man moves
in, like click,
...click, click
blinking photos
...in his darkest
sight, he is living
.....in you now
our home is
....his, and we
know thrones
....still never
knowing seconds
and first glances
......turn worthless
as regret, one
...lost moment is
another's only
......chance to know
these bones
...will never go
...bones don't grow
This was well worth the wait. This one is one of the more weirdly authoritative poems that have come through yet.
ReplyDeleteThe short, quick switchback lines are kinetic, but the enjambments allow you make these little splintered discernments.
The use of repetition: boss.
The opening stanza: very boss.
The closing stanza, though, I think that last line needs to tweak a little bit--not an exact repetition.
"these bones
will go"
or
"these bones
will never"
"these bones
will never go
will never go
these bones"
"these bones
will never go
will go never
these bones"
"these bones
will never go
these bones
will"
My sense is that you should keep playing with it. Either way, a good sick day well spent.